When my science doesn't work the way I want it to

This time last week, I was preparing to present my data to my advisors and an external examiner.

I had already written my report and organized my slides for the presentation. By most standards, I was prepared. The only problem was that my final slide, which would have tied all of my other results together, didn't have all of the data to back up my claims. Yet.

I was determined that I would get the results. I was running four experiments concurrently and analyzing data as quickly as I could. Everything was going well. It was one of the smoothest weeks I'd had in lab all year...

That should have been the first clue. It was too easy. Things were going too well. By the end of the week, I ran my final analysis: a western blot of the most critical samples. It should have had a series of black bands. It should have shown that all of the proteins I work with were there and they were the correct size. Instead, I got the above. An empty blot.

I was crushed. I had worked so hard. I had planned meticulously and managed my time and put all of my effort into these experiments and now...nothing. I had nothing to show for it.

How could I explain that? What would my advisors think? What would this mean for my degree?

I didn't have time to do the experiments again. I didn't have enough sample to redo the western blot. There was no way to salvage it.

I had to delete the final slide.

I had to admit that the results I had hoped to have were still a work in progress.

I had to tell my advisors and an external examiner that somewhere in the process I had messed up.

I hated it.

Being forced to acknowledge that I was unable to do what I had set out to do was incredibly frustrating for me. I'm one of those "I can do anything I put my mind to" kind of people. In some ways, it was simply incomprehensible to me. I had put all of my effort into this. I had tried so hard.  It was going to happen. That's just how it works.

But it didn't.

And it was okay.

I was okay.

My presentation was still complete. My advisors and the external examiner didn't even comment on the lack of results. They said they liked my plan. They said I had shown a lot of data. They said they expected to see even more in our next meeting. They said it seemed like I was on the right track.

Just before we left the room, one of them made a casual comment. She said to pace myself and not push too hard too soon or mistakes might happen.

She had no idea how much I needed to hear that. I needed someone to tell me to slow down a little, to breathe, to take my time. I don't know why I needed someone else's permission to - for lack of a better phrase - work at the rate of a normal human.

I'm so grateful she gave me that freedom. It's going to make every empty blot after this one that much easier.