Goodbye 2018
I've been at home for the past couple of weeks and I've finally had a little bit of free time to slow down and think. I've talked to friends and family. I've learned who got engaged, who graduated, who got promoted, who moved, etc. I've caught up on movies, TV, music, and books. I've been surrounded by all of the things I normally don't give myself time for when I'm in "PhD mode". It's been amazing.
And also a little bit sad. I'm watching all of these people around me do things and feel things I wish I was doing and feeling. I'm so proud of them and excited for them - but there's some jealousy there too. I want the happiness that they seem to have. I just don't see it happening until this PhD is done.
I feel like I will be a work in progress until those three letters are at the end of my name. And there's no indication as to how my progress is going. I like to think that I'll be done by September 2020, but it's really anybody's guess. There are no milestones to hit. Just a thesis at the end. Will I be ready?
This year, I started this blog. I started it for me. It's a catch-all for my work across a variety of disciplines. It's a place where I could be myself - creative, scientifically-inclined, imperfect, etc.
Initially, I felt a lot of pressure to have some sort of "brand" or "theme" to my online presence. But I don't fall into a single category. I feel like I'm boxing myself in every time I try to spin something one way or another. It just seems disingenuous. Better to just let things be a bit more chaotic.
In an attempt to reign in the chaos, I'm trying to post every week. It's my assignment to myself, my personal milestone. Something to help pass the time until the PhD is done and keep me from fixating on that September 2020 deadline.
I know I'm doing important work. I know I'm making good progress. But it takes time. And I'm tired of waiting, but it's all I can do. I just pray that when that time passes, I'll be ready and I'll be happy and I'll be me.
Happy New Year, everyone.
And also a little bit sad. I'm watching all of these people around me do things and feel things I wish I was doing and feeling. I'm so proud of them and excited for them - but there's some jealousy there too. I want the happiness that they seem to have. I just don't see it happening until this PhD is done.
I feel like I will be a work in progress until those three letters are at the end of my name. And there's no indication as to how my progress is going. I like to think that I'll be done by September 2020, but it's really anybody's guess. There are no milestones to hit. Just a thesis at the end. Will I be ready?
This year, I started this blog. I started it for me. It's a catch-all for my work across a variety of disciplines. It's a place where I could be myself - creative, scientifically-inclined, imperfect, etc.
Initially, I felt a lot of pressure to have some sort of "brand" or "theme" to my online presence. But I don't fall into a single category. I feel like I'm boxing myself in every time I try to spin something one way or another. It just seems disingenuous. Better to just let things be a bit more chaotic.
In an attempt to reign in the chaos, I'm trying to post every week. It's my assignment to myself, my personal milestone. Something to help pass the time until the PhD is done and keep me from fixating on that September 2020 deadline.
I know I'm doing important work. I know I'm making good progress. But it takes time. And I'm tired of waiting, but it's all I can do. I just pray that when that time passes, I'll be ready and I'll be happy and I'll be me.
Happy New Year, everyone.
